Never Take A Beer From Doctor Bright

Aaron Jindinski had clocked in when one of the researchers approached him. He quick called up the warning signs: The thick glasses, bright red hair, and huge circular pendant were signs of the one researcher he had been warned of.

Dr. Bright held out a plastic holster and a cold Guinness to him. “I need you to do something.”

Aaron grabbed the two items. He had been told to do what Dr. Bright told him to do, but to contact another researcher as quickly as possible. He had remembered something about a list of things the doctor was not allowed to do, but like all interns had thought that the list was a joke. “Okay, Doctor?”

Dr. Bright smiled. “Excellent. Be advised that the beer needs to be kept near you at all times; the holster should help. Also, now that you've accepted it be advised that it's a keter-class SCP; if it gets too far from you it will blow.” He made the gesture of an explosin with his hands. “I'll grab it before you head home.” Dr. Bright quickly ran off, disappearing around a corner.

11

Aaron felt the color slowly return to his face. He rigged the holster and slipped the beer into it. He quickly tracked down Dr. Delilah Rice. “Um, Doctor, I may have a problem.”

She looked at the beer on his hip. “Well, if you're drinking before the morning break....” She smiled at him.

His eyes rolled but quickly leveled off. “Dr. Bright gave it to me and told me to keep an eye on it. He claimed it was a keter.”

She lowered her glasses and smiled. “Well, then, he's either hazing you or it's an actual threat. Just do what he said and you should be okay either way.” She pushed her glasses back. “Meanwhile, we have received a shipment of hydrochloric acid that needs to be delivered to the appropriate room and you get the honor of delivering it.”

“Yes, doctor.” He ran off. After delivering the acid to its storage bin next to a room issuing the loudest roars, he started his rounds. Well, more accurately bounces; he went from mission to mission like a pinball, delivering messages, stacking deliveries, and helping with a couple of containment procedures. He checked his pedometer; he was well past his ten-thousand steps for the day. He smiled at yet another goal taken care.

Aaron turned a corner and found himself face-down in the middle of an orange puddle. He was suddenly filled with euphoria and had problems concentrating. Doctor Rice grimaced before having other interns pull him out. She pointed to the shower. He complied, enjoying the euphoria he went to the locker room.

Fortunately, he had several uniforms ready. He stripped down, grabbed a towel, and started walking to the shower. He got a full pace before he panicked. He had almost forgot about the beer. He quickly backtracked, put the holster on his bare thigh, and walked into the shower a much calmer person.

Some of the guys looked down and smiled. Of course Jules, the largest intern, was showering at the time. “First day and already have a drinking problem. Sadly impressive. At least it's not an IPA.” Aaron did his best to ignore Jules' jibes, and suffered through the quick shower. He had to maintain his silence; if Jules found out that Dr. Bright had given him the beer it could only have gotten worse.

He then dressed and ran off to the desk where he knew there was another job waiting for him. He had to beg off one job: It required him to not have any metal of any sort on his person and the can obviously disqualified him; something about how all metal become red-hot slag in the anomaly's presence. The person in charge looked at him with a pitying stare, the kind you give a person about to die, and then sent him on a clean-up detail.

That pretty much eliminated any lasting euphoria.

On the way there, Jules rushed past him, slowed, and then came back. “You're not supposed to have that during business hours.” He grabbed at the can. Aaron dodged, but Jules was still able to grab the can. Despite Aaron's best efforts, Jules was able to grab the can and began pulling off the holster. With some applied force and some twisting, Jules was able to pull off the can.

He was surprised that it had come off. Aaron was horrified.

Jules took a few steps away and smugly opened the can. He then proceeded to drink the contents of the can; while it did take a few drinks Aaron was too horrified to move. Jules finished, wiped his mouth, and tossed the can into a recycling bin.

“That worked out better than I thought it would.” Aaron heard Dr. Bright's voice from behind. “You did well, Aaron. Your friend, here, however, is going to have an interesting conversation with the intern coordinator. Something about 'interfering with a stud'y.”

Jules was in shock as he saw Dr. Bright's smiling face.

“But, Doctor....” Aaron managed to point at Jules. “He drank a keter-class object...?”

Jules now went into panic mode. He had been around long enough to know that keter-class objects usually killed whoever was at the center of its radius and he had just drunk one.

Dr. Bright tilted his head quizzically. “What keter-class object?” He thought for a moment, then brightened. “Oh, heh. No. I just told you that as incentive to keep it near you. I just wanted the beer warmed. Some bloody heathen had put a Guinness in a refrigerator and, well, that needed to be corrected.”

“But...”

“He'll be fine. Especially once the amnestics kick in.”

After his shift was over, Aaron walked home. He passed a liquor shop, stopped, and went in. He left with a twelve-pack of beer that was pointedly not Guinness.

SCP 5003: Dr. Bright's Rescued Can of Guinness

Class; Safe (Food) [Neutralized]

Description: A brown-colored aluminum can of Guinness Stout

History: Rescued from a refrigerator by Dr. Bright and given to an intern to warm. Later drunk by Dr. Bright.

Containment: Not in refrigerator, you bloody heathen. Neutralized by that idiot Jules.

Effect: Possible drunkenness.